This fever…plague, as some have taken to calling it…
Many have already been affected by it, some speculate it is magic based. The coughing has been going on for nearly two days, and the vaccine Calthos gave me has yet to take effect…Perhaps it is only a matter of time until my mind slips into the second stages of the disease.
I feel on edge, nervous…This couldn’t have come at a worse possible time. Melathanore has been cleared and released. While good news, it means that Carkel won’t be far away…It’s just a matter of how long, and if my speculations are correct, he’ll continue to get to Melathanore through his friends.
I can’t let him find me like this…Jumping at every shadow…
I just can’t shake the feeling that this paranoia isn’t in my head.
June 9th
Recounting the events of the past month would be almost impossible to do…As much as I have sat down in this very chair, for as many times as I have lifted this quill and placed it on a page, I couldn’t bring myself to write down the reality of it all.
Melathanore had been taken. Not by Blood Knights, not by his own mind, but by his own brother. I hadn’t even known he had a brother until I found Durzuli half dead in his cave. Even I have trouble comprehending it, despite the fact that I know better than to expect anything above savagery from anything with a higher thinking process.
To think of how the past can so easily latch onto a being for years, bubbling beneath the surface until it becomes such a vengeance that even the bond of family disappears…I couldn’t imagine if Daeryan ever hated me so much, not that I would even know it now. I haven’t spoken to him since before my death, I’m not even sure if he knows I’m still alive or not.
I wonder, would Xynrael tell him?
Xynrael.
I wish I could say that I’ve missed him, that spending so many days apart tears me up inside…But it doesn’t. I have always accepted that he and I didn’t marry for love, we married on a mutual respect and trust for each other. Now, it seems that the trust has disintegrated to the point where every decision he makes feels wrong to me.
I wanted to hunt him down when Calthos told me he had joined the crusade against the Quel’dorei in Quel’thalas. I know that it is a traitorous thought, but I cannot help but feel it…Especially after seeing Jackson again in Northrend. It made me think of how many I consider close are traitors to the very brotherhood I have served to protect for years. How many of those close to me chose to not return to the city, who found alternatives to the Fel energies…How many were human.
My own father among them.
Of course, none of them had taken up arms against the Horde or the Warchief’s word. But if they had? Would Xynrael have them sniffed out and hunted them like prey? Or would he trust my judgment, and give them mercy and compassion? I doubt that he would.
As I write this, it feels like everything is coming back. A wave of every emotion and thought I had pushed away since…Since returning. I haven’t even told Xynrael yet that I saw her there…stuck. I haven’t told anyone, or made mention of how I wonder if she watches, if she had actually changed, or if it was all simply a dream.
I tried to push everyone away after I came back, perhaps that was why it seemed so simple to claim to be dead…To shed the weight of responsibility and accountability and simply be free. But I miss it, and them. Even the few that know I’m alive hardly speak to me anymore…Elly has been infuriated with me since Melathanore attacked Jaen. Though, she has good reason to. Mel has been the only person in my life who I still feel connected to, who I know is still…there.
I wish I could say that our friendship was the only reason his mental disturbances, injury, and later abduction scared the life out of me, but it wasn’t. Yet, despite all the time that has passed, I still can’t even admit it honestly to myself even though it seems clear to those close to me.
In Naxxramas, I was well aware that Xynrael did not want me to go with him, that he held this expectation that I would simply bring Mel to the crypt and leave him there with his ghouls. Of course, that was not the case. I’ve stayed here since.
At first, we talked as I wrapped his odds and ends…A repulsive sight to most, I would think…Elly sure thought so. But during the time that I thought we were alone, it was nice…I felt like myself again for the first time in months. Though, after Elly informed us of the pitiful excuses we were, it was mostly silence for the following days.
That brings the events to today.
Xynrael made it clear that Melathanore had little chance of escaping for what he had done to Jaen…Elly seemed to be on a witch-hunt, so much so she threw a dagger at Mel. Like a fool, I took the blade instead…In retrospect, I realize that it would have hardly hurt him, but in that moment I was ready to kill them both for it. The woman who had been my sister, and my own husband for throwing a simple blade at a forsaken…
Perhaps though, this impulsive need to protect him will serve a purpose- at least, it will if he stops being so stubborn and uses the evidence I gave him.
Getting it was…Well, I wish I could say it wasn’t easy, but it was.
For such an intelligent man, his brother carries himself on ego and the belief that he is untouchable. Perhaps this is why he had not noticed that I had indeed set a trap and the prize was not his life, but his own over-confident words.
How easy it was to dangle that meaningless woman’s life in front of him, using her as a simple treasure chest to hold information that would lead him nowhere. Of course, he has no doubt discovered this by now…Light, Carkel is probably combing the Badlands for us as I write this.
It does not worry me. Even if he were to find Xynrael’s crypt, manage to get past the barrier…He wouldn’t walk away from me twice, no matter what Mel said. Light damn me if I do not make him pay for what he has done…
But if he does not show up, then I will simply pray that once this is all over that there may be some chance of redemption for my relationships. Already, I know I grow tired of sulking and hiding in the shadows, I’m ready to go home…To see Elithiria get married, to see her start her own true family…To lead and teach again…Perhaps, just maybe, even admit what I’ve been hiding.
For once, I truly do hope for this. Light bless us if I should be so lucky.
Melathanore had been taken. Not by Blood Knights, not by his own mind, but by his own brother. I hadn’t even known he had a brother until I found Durzuli half dead in his cave. Even I have trouble comprehending it, despite the fact that I know better than to expect anything above savagery from anything with a higher thinking process.
To think of how the past can so easily latch onto a being for years, bubbling beneath the surface until it becomes such a vengeance that even the bond of family disappears…I couldn’t imagine if Daeryan ever hated me so much, not that I would even know it now. I haven’t spoken to him since before my death, I’m not even sure if he knows I’m still alive or not.
I wonder, would Xynrael tell him?
Xynrael.
I wish I could say that I’ve missed him, that spending so many days apart tears me up inside…But it doesn’t. I have always accepted that he and I didn’t marry for love, we married on a mutual respect and trust for each other. Now, it seems that the trust has disintegrated to the point where every decision he makes feels wrong to me.
I wanted to hunt him down when Calthos told me he had joined the crusade against the Quel’dorei in Quel’thalas. I know that it is a traitorous thought, but I cannot help but feel it…Especially after seeing Jackson again in Northrend. It made me think of how many I consider close are traitors to the very brotherhood I have served to protect for years. How many of those close to me chose to not return to the city, who found alternatives to the Fel energies…How many were human.
My own father among them.
Of course, none of them had taken up arms against the Horde or the Warchief’s word. But if they had? Would Xynrael have them sniffed out and hunted them like prey? Or would he trust my judgment, and give them mercy and compassion? I doubt that he would.
As I write this, it feels like everything is coming back. A wave of every emotion and thought I had pushed away since…Since returning. I haven’t even told Xynrael yet that I saw her there…stuck. I haven’t told anyone, or made mention of how I wonder if she watches, if she had actually changed, or if it was all simply a dream.
I tried to push everyone away after I came back, perhaps that was why it seemed so simple to claim to be dead…To shed the weight of responsibility and accountability and simply be free. But I miss it, and them. Even the few that know I’m alive hardly speak to me anymore…Elly has been infuriated with me since Melathanore attacked Jaen. Though, she has good reason to. Mel has been the only person in my life who I still feel connected to, who I know is still…there.
I wish I could say that our friendship was the only reason his mental disturbances, injury, and later abduction scared the life out of me, but it wasn’t. Yet, despite all the time that has passed, I still can’t even admit it honestly to myself even though it seems clear to those close to me.
In Naxxramas, I was well aware that Xynrael did not want me to go with him, that he held this expectation that I would simply bring Mel to the crypt and leave him there with his ghouls. Of course, that was not the case. I’ve stayed here since.
At first, we talked as I wrapped his odds and ends…A repulsive sight to most, I would think…Elly sure thought so. But during the time that I thought we were alone, it was nice…I felt like myself again for the first time in months. Though, after Elly informed us of the pitiful excuses we were, it was mostly silence for the following days.
That brings the events to today.
Xynrael made it clear that Melathanore had little chance of escaping for what he had done to Jaen…Elly seemed to be on a witch-hunt, so much so she threw a dagger at Mel. Like a fool, I took the blade instead…In retrospect, I realize that it would have hardly hurt him, but in that moment I was ready to kill them both for it. The woman who had been my sister, and my own husband for throwing a simple blade at a forsaken…
Perhaps though, this impulsive need to protect him will serve a purpose- at least, it will if he stops being so stubborn and uses the evidence I gave him.
Getting it was…Well, I wish I could say it wasn’t easy, but it was.
For such an intelligent man, his brother carries himself on ego and the belief that he is untouchable. Perhaps this is why he had not noticed that I had indeed set a trap and the prize was not his life, but his own over-confident words.
How easy it was to dangle that meaningless woman’s life in front of him, using her as a simple treasure chest to hold information that would lead him nowhere. Of course, he has no doubt discovered this by now…Light, Carkel is probably combing the Badlands for us as I write this.
It does not worry me. Even if he were to find Xynrael’s crypt, manage to get past the barrier…He wouldn’t walk away from me twice, no matter what Mel said. Light damn me if I do not make him pay for what he has done…
But if he does not show up, then I will simply pray that once this is all over that there may be some chance of redemption for my relationships. Already, I know I grow tired of sulking and hiding in the shadows, I’m ready to go home…To see Elithiria get married, to see her start her own true family…To lead and teach again…Perhaps, just maybe, even admit what I’ve been hiding.
For once, I truly do hope for this. Light bless us if I should be so lucky.
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