"The lifespan of happiness in a soldier's life is short."
That was the first lesson I learned at the beginning of my training, and to this day it rings true. Ultimately, no matter how hard one tries to hope for the best, our natures will always win over...
We will lie. We will fight the wrong battle. We will give up.
As hurt as I am, I was not surprised to receive his letter, nor to actually set eyes on him at the graveyard. I was simply shocked by the betrayal. By his betrayal. It was one thing for him to protect his flesh and blood, even if Carkel is the scum of the earth- but to lie to me about it? I can't be certain that even if he had told me, I would have helped him shove it under the rug, but did he not owe me that opportunity after everything he has done and said for the sake of honesty?
The only true surprise to me was Carkel's behavior. The monster actually listened to reason. He allowed me to arrest him, and handed me Jaericho's fate...I would never utter these words out loud, but perhaps there is a degree of humanity left in him.
We have all been deployed to the Swamp of Sorrows. I arrived a few days before everyone else. The task was menial and is hardly worth detailing. Though, tonight, Xynrael and I spoke. Really spoke to each other. It was odd, as this is the first time in months that I can remember finishing an entire conversation with him...I even admitted the details of my brush with death to him.
I can't say that his words were of any real comfort, or that my outlook has changed much, but at least I know that he hasn't completely given up on me. It is odd how good that is to know, especially with a new battle on the horizon.
My only wish now is that I could find the same hope for Melathanore and I, but after all this...It feels irreparable. I know there was some reason to my reaction, but I cannot expect him to forgive me for imprisoning his brother for crimes I, myself have committed...
But ultimately, I cannot apologize for something that had to be done- by myself, or by another's hand.
