Last night.
Last night, it felt as if everything had happened- as if all of the pieces to my life had fallen into place to form a picture of something warped, something horrifying, but something true. For once, despite the morbidity of it all, there was truth to it. In knowing this, I find both fear and relief…but mostly fear. Not of him, never of Mel- but of myself.
Perhaps I’m losing my mind again…
There was no pleasure from it, only a sense that at this time I could not possibly hope to describe.
I went to Xynrael after, in retrospect, it would have been far more intelligent to lie to him. To say I was off hunting. Though that would have involved some part of my mind thinking straight. Instead, I told him that the cut on my lip was the result of a branch and that my uneasiness was due to a fall.
It never ceases to amaze me how little he knows about me, how little he sees past the surface of silence and compliancy. Sometimes I wonder if any of them know that I worry, I cry, and I feel the pain from all of this. I find it more disturbing that even he doesn’t see it. He talked as if something horrific must have happened for me to be shaken so.
Jackson, for all his strengths, once again displayed his blatant lack of the ability to keep his mouth shut and came over to Xynrael, accusing him as the cause of my injuries…Perhaps it was Xynrael’s treatment of my friend that caused me to finally snap at him, perhaps it was that bourbon never eases my temper. Either way, the rest of the night we filled the inn with the sounds of raised voices and threats until I finally left to my room, and Jackson picked up where I had left off.
I didn’t stay for their argument, instead I left…Where’s that damn troll when you need him?
